To all the women trying for to complete their lives, don’t give up.
Infertility is a battle. A battle that can be won. Infertility is a disease, a disease with solutions. Infertility is a struggle, but there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.
Don’t give up.
Yes, it’s unfair. It’s painful. It’s stressful. It’s heartbreaking. Yes, it hurts.
But you cannot give up. Your future is waiting for you.
Please, don’t give up.
I hate when there is something I want to say…I need to say… But I can’t find the right words to accurately express my feelings so that everyone would understand. I feel that if I say it how I think it, it will come out wrong and I will be judged. Now, normally I could care less what anyone else thinks or says about me… But this time. I do care. In this case, I care very much. So let’s see if I can relay the message in my heart without a negative outcome. Please don’t judge!!!!
Foster care is hard. Foster children are hard to deal with. Especially when they are older. And especially for those of us who have/had no biological children first. I’ve worked with children and in childcare for over a decade, but I’ve never been a parent. I’ve taken care of other people’s children for ever, but never on a constant daily basis in my home. And when my husband and I realized that we may never have biological children, we dove feet first into foster care without REALLY understanding what we were doing. Like I have said before, ryan and i are dreamers. We tried to map out our lives and have only failed at living out our dreams. When we accepted 3 children into our home, we were dreaming through rose colored glasses. But a mere 3 months later, we’ve taken our “beautiful life” goggles off and we see our world in true light. Is not what we imagined. It’s not what we had hoped for.
I love these kids from the bottom of my heart! I live for them everyday right now until they go home. But they aren’t MY children. Not just because they aren’t up for adoption, but because I am not attached to them the way a mother is to their child. My hope was that, like with my dear friend Joy, that once we had children in our home, my desperate desire to concieve and carry and give birth to my own beautiful healthy children would dissipate and I would learn to live again. But that dream also failed. If anything, this experience has made my desire stronger. My heart has always been for children, but now, my heart is for my own. I’ve grown tired of being a babysitter, a daycare teacher, and a nanny. And in the present, I am a full time live in nanny. Or at least that is how I feel. Again, I dearly love these children and I will do everything in my power to keep them safe and care for them for as long as it takes until they go home. But I’ve also come to realize that foster care isn’t for everyone. And im not sure if I can do this again.
#anomaly @lecrae @jeffersonbethke
Yes, yes to all of them.
10. Baby shower invitations now hold the same appeal as an emergency root canal.
9. You get livid when your husband masturbates during your fertile window.
8. Your iPhone’s camera roll is filled with pictures of ovulation tests. Taken through multiple filters.
7. When you see a glass of apple…
All of this.
I don’t much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten, or if you fed them formula from day one. I don’t really care if you turned your infant car-seat forward-facing prior to age 2, or if you homeschool, or if you send your kids to daycare while you go to work. Do you cosleep? Did you circumcise your son? I DON’T CARE. Do you babywear? Push your kid around in a stroller? Use a leash for your kid at Disneyland? Whatever. Good for you.
When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don’t have one. All of these petty wars about the choices of capable, loving mothers is just a lot of white noise to me, Quite honestly, I’m often astonished at the non-essential parenting issues I see moms getting their panties in a wad about. Particularly when there are so many kids in this world not being parented at all.
So needless to say we didnt get to ease into parenthood. The kids were dropped off at about 10:30pm last friday night and life has been a whirlwind ever since! They have adjusted fairly well considering what they’ve been through. Daycare drop offs are hard and bedtime is hard. But there are so many smiles and laughs throughout the day that it makes the tears worth while. We’ve been trying to get them into our routine and we are getting there day by day! But this life is all new to them….and to us. So we are all adjusting.
Our 18month old girl “Punkin” has a smile that melts your heart and makes all of my stress and exhaustion dissipate.
Our 3 year old girl “Diva” is literally a princess. Currently she is Princess Anna (from frozen). Life seems to revolve around her.
And our 7 year old has yet to have a nickname. I still haven’t figured him out yet. He’s smart and sweet and considerate of his sisters. And his favorite words are “I love you”. But he’s also sneaky and knows what to say to get his way. He is a junk food fanatic and almost cleaned out our pantry by day 2! But thats all 7 year olds i believe.
Later today when hubby gets home from work we are going to venture out to Kohls with their clothing vouchers and get them all new wardrobes :)